Difference between revisions of "Keyboard Shortcuts"

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(If My Body Were A Car)
(Litlle Johnny 1)
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IF MY BODY WERE A CAR
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One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice.
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First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it."
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"Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael.
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"My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said.
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"Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny.
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"Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'"
 
   
 
   
If my body were a car, this is the time I would be thinking about
 
trading it in for a newer model. I've got bumps and dents and scratches
 
in my finish and my paint job is getting a little dull, but that's not
 
the worst of it.
 
 
   
 
   
My headlights are out of focus and it's especially hard to see things
 
up close.
 
 
   
 
   
My traction is not as graceful as it once was. I slip and slide and
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skid and bump into things even in the best of weather.
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My whitewalls are stained with varicose veins.
 
 
It takes me hours to reach my maximum speed.
 
 
My fuel rate burns inefficiently.
 
 
But here's the worst of it --
 
 
Almost every time I sneeze, cough or sputter..........either my radiator
 
leaks or my exhaust backfires!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
 
 
 
 
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Revision as of 08:09, 22 February 2007

One day, during a lesson on proper grammar, the teacher asked for a show of hands for who could use the word 'beautiful' in the same sentence twice. First, she called on little Suzie, who responded with, "My father bought my mother a beautiful dress and she looked beautiful in it." "Very good, Suzie," replied the teacher. She then called on little Michael. "My mommy planned a beautiful banquet and it turned out beautifully," he said. "Excellent, Michael!" Then, the teacher called on Little Johnny. "Last night, at the dinner table, my sister told my father that she was pregnant, and he said, 'Beautiful, just fucking beautiful!'"


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